Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
