and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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