He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you didnt know i had herpes?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
