last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
