she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
