i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
