Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
