so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
A+ Viking dick
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
