dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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