So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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