WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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