billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
