I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
