You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
