At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
