I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
