arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You're like the curious george of whores
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
