I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
