I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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