just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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