I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
