Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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