My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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