I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
