Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
