I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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