i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Randomize
