Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
