I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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