You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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