don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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