i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Randomize
