I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
