I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
