Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
