I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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