He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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