just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
