Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My liver just had a heart attack.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
