woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
