Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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