im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
