3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
