So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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