Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
