So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can't turn off my feet"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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