I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Randomize
