Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
