The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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