Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
