She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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