im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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